#personal development

Your Metamorphosis Is Sacred

~ Ella Hicks

Not everyone will understand what you’ve survived.
They didn’t see the fear, the shame, or the breaking down
that brought you to your knees under a moonless night.

They don’t know what it felt like to live inside the storm,
or the way your body remembers what your voice could not say.
They didn’t feel the weight of silence pressing against your chest,
or the courage it took just to keep breathing when you wanted to disappear.

Survival Leaves No Witnesses

The hardest truth about surviving is that it often leaves no witnesses.
To the outside world, you may look “fine.” You may even look “strong.”
But the fragments you carried in secret tell another story.

It’s the story of a woman who stitched herself back together
with trembling hands and invisible thread.
The story of someone who learned to move through life
while holding the rubble of her former world in her palms.

And because they didn’t see that journey,
they may never understand the cost of your healing.

Healing Is Not Meant to Be Understood by Everyone

Here’s what I need you to know:
your metamorphosis is sacred.

It is not for their approval.
It is not for their comprehension.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation.
You don’t exist to convince them that your story is real.
You are not required to shrink your truth so they can be comfortable.

Your healing is not theirs to measure.
It is yours to claim.

Becoming

Healing is not about returning to who you once were.
It’s about rebirthing yourself into the woman you were always meant to be—
the one who lived inside you before the world tried to silence her,
before the shame, the fear, the breaking down.

You are not broken.
You are becoming.
You are unbecoming everything the world told you to be
so you can finally rise into everything you are.

A Final Word

If you feel misunderstood, unseen, or dismissed on your healing journey,
remember this: you’re not here to convince them.

You’re here to live fully.
To stand in your sovereignty.
To honor the sacred work you’ve done.

Because your metamorphosis is not small.
It is sacred.

Protect it.
Honor it.
And never forget—
you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your survival, your becoming, or your light.

Ella xx

The Art of Waiting

~ Ella Hicks

“I have done nothing all summer but to wait for myself to be myself again.” — Georgia O’Keeffe


As this season draws to a close,
I find myself reflecting on the power of waiting.
I think about how healing often unfolds in silence.
It happens in slowness and unseen places.
What follows is not an explanation or a roadmap,
but a prayer I needed to write for myself.

I. The Courage to Wait

There is a wisdom in waiting that our culture does not honor.
We live in a world obsessed with productivity, speed, and achievement.
Rest is mistaken for laziness, and silence is confused with absence.

All summer, I waited.
For the quiet to soften me.
For the storms inside to pass.
For the woman I lost along the way to rise and meet me again.

And she is coming—
slowly, fiercely, wholly—
like a wildflower breaking through stone,
like the horizon pulling light back into itself.

This is what healing often asks of us:
to trust the invisible underground work,
and the gestation that can’t be hurried.
Seeds must split in the dark before they bloom in the light.
Similarly, we must surrender to seasons of waiting.
Only then can we rise whole again.

II. The Feminine Rhythm

In the feminine soul, healing does not move in straight lines.
It circles and spirals.
It withdraws before it returns.
It rests before it creates.

This rhythm is not weakness—it is ancient wisdom.
The body knows how to heal.
The spirit knows how to return.
Our task is not to force it, but to allow it.
To trust that our becoming is not delayed;
it is ripening.

III. The Dawn Always Comes

We don’t always heal by doing more.
Sometimes we heal by waiting.
By letting silence do its work.
By trusting that the parts of us we thought were gone
are only gathering strength to return.

If you’ve been waiting for yourself, know this:
she is still here.
She is still coming back.

And when she rises,
it will be with roots deeper,
branches stronger,
and a light no storm can take away.

So breathe.
Wait.
Trust.

For the dawn always comes.

Ella xx

This Is Post Traumatic Growth

~ rebelthriver2

Trauma leaves lasting imprints on our lives, shaping how we see the world, others, and ourselves. The aftermath can feel overwhelming, as if we are left picking up the pieces of a life we no longer recognize. But within the wreckage, growth is possible.

Post-traumatic growth is the process by which survivors not only heal but transform, discovering new strengths, perspectives, and opportunities they may never have considered before. It is not about erasing pain, but about finding meaning beyond it—emerging from the shadows with a renewed sense of self.

The Hidden Strength Within Trauma

At first, survival is the only focus. The body and mind work to process the shock, the loss, the enormity of what has happened. But over time, survivors may notice something new stirring within them—a strength they never knew they had.

  • Resilience takes root. The realization dawns: I made it through. The challenges that once seemed insurmountable now serve as proof of inner strength.
  • Life feels more precious. Trauma often shifts our perspective, deepening our appreciation for what truly matters—love, presence, connection.
  • New doors open. What once felt limiting no longer holds power. Survivors may explore new paths, careers, hobbies, or passions.
  • Relationships evolve. Adversity fosters empathy and deeper connections, helping survivors build meaningful relationships rooted in authenticity and trust.
  • Spirituality shifts. Whether through faith, personal reflection, or connection with nature, many find themselves searching for—and often discovering—new meaning in life.

Yet, recognizing this growth is not always easy. Moving forward takes time, intention, and the right tools.

Steps Toward Growth After Trauma

Though each survivor’s path is unique, there are common ways to nurture personal growth in the wake of trauma.

  • Mindfulness and Breathwork – Practices like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help regulate emotions and bring awareness to the present moment.
  • Self-Compassion – Healing requires patience. Treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a loved one allows for deeper emotional recovery.
  • Creative Expression – Writing, painting, music, and other creative outlets provide ways to process emotions that words alone may not capture.
  • Nature and Grounding Practices – Spending time outdoors, walking barefoot on the earth, or simply feeling the warmth of the sun can be profoundly healing.
  • Therapeutic Support – Trauma-focused therapy, cognitive behavioral techniques, and body-based approaches like trauma-sensitive yoga help survivors process and move through pain.
  • Building Connection – Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or survivor communities can reduce isolation and provide validation.
  • Reframing the Narrative – Growth often comes from seeing trauma not as an ending but as a transformation—an opportunity to redefine priorities and reclaim personal power.

The Journey is Yours

Healing is not about returning to who we were before trauma. It is about becoming someone new—someone who carries their past with wisdom, not weight.

Post-traumatic growth does not mean we forget the darkness, nor does it mean we are grateful for the pain. But it does mean that in the process of healing, we can find strength, purpose, and the courage to emerge from the shadows—free, untethered, and fully alive.

Emerging from Trauma: The Power of Post-Traumatic Growth

Trauma leaves lasting imprints on our lives, shaping how we see the world, others, and ourselves. The aftermath can feel overwhelming, as if we are left picking up the pieces of a life we no longer recognize. But within the wreckage, growth is possible.

Post-traumatic growth is the process by which survivors not only heal but transform, discovering new strengths, perspectives, and opportunities they may never have considered before. It is not about erasing pain, but about finding meaning beyond it—emerging from the shadows with a renewed sense of self.

The Hidden Strength Within Trauma

At first, survival is the only focus. The body and mind work to process the shock, the loss, the enormity of what has happened. But over time, survivors may notice something new stirring within them—a strength they never knew they had.

  • Resilience takes root. The realization dawns: I made it through. The challenges that once seemed insurmountable now serve as proof of inner strength.
  • Life feels more precious. Trauma often shifts our perspective, deepening our appreciation for what truly matters—love, presence, connection.
  • New doors open. What once felt limiting no longer holds power. Survivors may explore new paths, careers, hobbies, or passions.
  • Relationships evolve. Adversity fosters empathy and deeper connections, helping survivors build meaningful relationships rooted in authenticity and trust.
  • Spirituality shifts. Whether through faith, personal reflection, or connection with nature, many find themselves searching for—and often discovering—new meaning in life.

Yet, recognizing this growth is not always easy. Moving forward takes time, intention, and the right tools.

Steps Toward Growth After Trauma

Though each survivor’s path is unique, there are common ways to nurture personal growth in the wake of trauma.

  • Mindfulness and Breathwork – Practices like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga can help regulate emotions and bring awareness to the present moment.
  • Self-Compassion – Healing requires patience. Treating ourselves with the same kindness we would offer a loved one allows for deeper emotional recovery.
  • Creative Expression – Writing, painting, music, and other creative outlets provide ways to process emotions that words alone may not capture.
  • Nature and Grounding Practices – Spending time outdoors, walking barefoot on the earth, or simply feeling the warmth of the sun can be profoundly healing.
  • Therapeutic Support – Trauma-focused therapy, cognitive behavioral techniques, and body-based approaches like trauma-sensitive yoga help survivors process and move through pain.
  • Building Connection – Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or survivor communities can reduce isolation and provide validation.
  • Reframing the Narrative – Growth often comes from seeing trauma not as an ending but as a transformation—an opportunity to redefine priorities and reclaim personal power.

The Journey is Yours

Healing is not about returning to who we were before trauma. It is about becoming someone new—someone who carries their past with wisdom, not weight.

Post-traumatic growth does not mean we forget the darkness, nor does it mean we are grateful for the pain. But it does mean that in the process of healing, we can find strength, purpose, and the courage to emerge from the shadows—free, untethered, and fully alive.

By: Jacqui Fox

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

~ Ella Hicks ~ 3 Comments

13256494_1057993907616031_3195574131118398619_nWe are in the cross fires of a political situation that shouldn’t be political at all. I know there are people who will call me brainwashed and misguided. They will say that George Orwell is turning in his grave because 1984 has come to fruition. I know these people well. Some of them have my same blood. Some of them know what happened to me back in 1984.

I was taken advantage of by a guy from a prep school. He locked me in his room, laid on top of me and hurt me. He took my virginity. I cried for him to STOP! He didn’t. When he finally got up, he put his pants on and leaned against the wall of the darkened room, the candle light was flickering across his evil face as he said in a very flip way, “What do you expect? I have wanted you for over a year?”

I was staying with my best friends family at the time. I was bleeding heavily. I was terrified. However, I didn’t call my parents. I didn’t tell them when I got home. I didn’t tell anyone. I tucked that experience away inside of me for years and “forgot” about it. Funny thing about trauma…it likes to pop up every now and then in the worst of circumstances. When I turned 22 I finally told my mother. She took to her bed for 3 days and cried the entire time. My father doesn’t know to this day because I saw how my mother reacted and I just knew it would kill my father.

People have been blaming the victim forever. Seriously, it is the culture of the world. A victim can be your mother, father, sister, brother, child, friend, and yes, even you. To add insult to serious injury it is also made clear that the victim is in someway responsible for the attack. This creates a wall of isolation and shame. This wall can barricade a victim behind it’s tall chalky cold walls for years. Sometimes for life. The mind is a mysterious thing. We have learned some about what trauma does to a persons mind though. I can speak to this because I am not only a survivor of rape, but of domestic violence. In an attempt to protect you, your mind will selectively shelf memories. It’s as though it opens a door within and shoves the trauma into it, and then it slams the door. Sometimes the door opens up again. Sometimes it doesn’t.

I live with debilitating PTSD. If you were to ask me what I struggle most with day to day I would say, my memory. I have big blocks of time missing due to domestic violence. I can’t remember much of my child’s first years. This is because during this time his father was so abusive to me that in order to survive my mind shut the memories away. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

I am not mad about my situation. Rather I have chosen to channel that into helping other women recover, reclaim their lives, and move on after abuse and assault. This is how I heal. I run Rebel Thriver and this has become my life’s work. One of our agreements is no politics and no religion. This is because we know that this type of trauma doesn’t discriminate. I do not want to alienate any survivor over a political opinion or a religious belief. I believe that a victim needs to be heard no matter how long it takes for them to find their voice. And when they do finally speak they should not be shamed for it.

You do not know the path another has walked. We really need to start taking a step back at how things have been so that we can make changes and learn to move humanity forward in a more positive way. I believe that education is the only way. People can learn to become more understanding, better listeners, and develop empathy. We are capable of re-framing our thinking and doing better than the generations that came before us. We need to move towards coming together to tear down the old ways that allow isolation and victimization. We need to try to make this a better place for our children.

All I can do is continue to help the people who are trying to rebuild their lives and heal after trauma. I do not take political sides. I will never make a victims story divisive. It’s hard to stay out of the firing line these days. I pray the truth comes out and that people in powerful places are no longer able to wield their power to hurt others. Perhaps I am a bit idealistic, but that’s how I am and I will never give up striving to do better. My calling in this life is to help heal the wounds of survivors. It’s not fancy work, but it is everything to me, for how can we heal the world if we don’t work on healing it’s wounds?

xo Ella

Sweet Lemonade

~ Ella Hicks ~ 8 Comments

Twelve years ago I walked away from my very sick and abusive husband. I literally walked away with a baby on either hip and the clothes on our backs one freezing winter night. I walked away from my hugely successful dream career as a creative Design Director in NYC, from my home, my friends, and colleagues. Just like that, life as I knew it disappeared.

11219135_843428145739276_5399162458993067994_n.jpgIn the last 8 years I started a movement called Rebel Thriver. I have run private groups, workshops, and done personal development coaching all for free in an attempt to help women (and men too) learn how to rise above the mentality of survivor to become a thriver. I also have a team of 8 women who volunteer to help me do this. I knew what it was like to live isolated and alone. I knew that support just didn’t exist once you were out of the initial triage phase (after leaving abuse). I wanted to reach out to help others because there was none for me when I needed it. I wanted to create a community for myself and others.  Today the Rebel Thriver Tribe has grown to almost 300K and we span the globe. They are an achingly beautiful group of people.

My situation is extreme. My kids and I had to change our names and social security numbers 3 times in order to stay alive. It was in this time that I started to DREAM about opening up a beautiful “camp” for people to come in order to learn to heal, connect to self, and be educated on self connection, self development, healing, nutrition, etc. An escape for women (and teens) to connect to their inner voices in order to create a path to self love. I want to help these women who have been systematically broken down to lay a brand new stable foundation for them to start over and build onto. I want to help them find connection, a new family, and happiness. A place where they can feel like they belong. That their story matters. That they matter.

I desperately want to do public speaking (high schools, corporate gigs, Ted Talks, Mind Valley, etc), but  I cannot put my face out in the public sector yet, as I still have a minor child and it is not safe for us. So for now my dream is to build this beautiful sacred space (in the islands somewhere) as a place of healing and new beginnings. This is where I will start my speaking and teaching practice in order to prepare for the day when I can branch out publicly.

In the process of all of this I will create a new level to the Rebel Thriver Tribe. A place where I can help people find employment and create a healthy life with positive human connections where they can help others to heal and grow. There are so many people who need to overcome trauma (domestic abuse, sexual abuse, recovery from substances and emotional abuse). While the situations are different the way back to living a healthy life is all very similar. There are SO many people who need help and guidance and I want to be the one to give them a chance.

I am currently taking a business seminar called Business Freedom, by Eric Edmeades. He is offering a free Business Freedom Week Seminar this year that I just know would help me to achieve my dreams to help others (AND i do need help). It would give me a way to connect with other business leaders and learn from the best. It will help me to really focus on my business plan and come up with a blueprint as to how best to make the dream become a reality. This seminar will help teach me so that I can in turn help others on a grander scale.

I am an extreme example of learning to thrive whilst my life is still being shadowed by control and abuse of another. I am able to show others what thriving looks like, and that they don’t have to wait to start living. Domestic Violence helped me to learn to embrace my life and be even grateful for my circumstances…for so many reasons. I know how to turn lemons into lemonade many times over.

I am loving this class. Thank you Eric so very much for your generosity. Eric is also the creator of Wildfit of which I am currently a Wildfit participant (this class is helping me keep my mind off of Bread!!!!) Check out my blog post My Journey to Wellness to follow me on my journey with Wildfit. Stay tuned and thanks for your support.

Cheers,
Ella Hicks

http://www.rebelthriver.org
http://www.rebelthriver.blog
http://www.facebook.com/rebelthrivers
http://www.Instagram.com/rebelthriver

Endless

~ Ella Hicks ~ 1 Comment

love

“Love. It will not betray you, dismay you or enslave you. It will set you free.”
– Mumford & Sons

I used to have a warped idea about love. I believed that if I loved deeply and intensely with all of myself I could change the world. My ex-husband walked into my life-like a black hole. He sucked everything that I had out of me and then he demanded more. Everyday I paid a toll for being alive and it wasn’t cheap. He took everything I had to give, spit it back into my face, and then took more. I loved him though. I just kept scraping up what I could find of me to give to him. Little pieces, tiny shards of myself, were all I could find in the end. Never have I met another who could find so much to take from so very little. I left him as a shell of the person I had met him as, but I also left him with so much more than I had come to him with.

My world has never been the same. Even after years of separation he is with me everyday. How can you turn off love? I have my moments of anger and regret, but my love for that incredibly sick and imperfect man is still there. It’s changed in scope and I don’t respect him, or speak to him for that matter, but for a fellow human, hurting and damaged, I still have love. As a child I was raised to love and turn the other cheek. As a wife I learned to survive. As a single mother I learned to fight back to protect my young. We live so many lifetimes over and over in this single life we are given. And we have the potential to love many times over. When my marriage crumbled I thought that was it. Party over. The ship sailed. I didn’t think that I could ever have the capacity to love another person in that way again. Love taught me differently though.

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;  does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.  1 Corinthians 13:4-8

After my marriage exploded I focused on what I knew would never fail me; the love for my children. Pure and unconditional love knows no deeper depths than that of a mother for her children. I poured myself into them so that they would know that I could love them enough for both their father and I. I alone was going to be enough for them. That was going to be enough. I was going to be ok. And as time passed I realized that love was not a one way street. If you loved the right people then love could come back to you as well. Loving people has always been easy for me, but It took me a long time to get comfortable trusting someone enough to allow them to love me back. To be able to believe in that love and accept it was something  I had to learn.

I learned, that I needed to love myself first, way too late into the game. If I could love myself then all future relationships had a chance of being balanced and healthy. It’s somewhat impossible to have a solid relationship with another person if you don’t love and respect yourself. People throw the word love around like its candy. Love, true love, is so much more than that. It is layered, rich, and runs deep. It has a foundation of trust, loyalty, and an innate desire to bring happiness into another’s life. If you can have that kind of relationship with yourself how can love fail? True love is complete freedom to be you while sharing your life with another. It is fail proof because even if you part ways, love finds a way to carry on.

In our youth it is hard to comprehend the magnitude of love’s depths. Love has a very narrow view. We know love for family and then we know the Hallmark version. As we grow, get hurt, heal, and deepen our personal awareness we learn that love can be so much more than that. We humans get so hung up on the idea of romantic love to come and save us and it’s a sham. Love is peddled as an industry generating millions each year. It starts with Valentine’s Day and continues through, birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, and funerals. Our society spends so much money trying to buy and capture love when in reality true love is free and it is endless.

Love is not something we buy in a store. It is living, breathing, alive. It has the ability to change the course of your life. Love can end wars and change nations. If we want this world to survive than love is the only thing that can save us. Love is stronger than any kind of hate. Love endures and love is the only thing truly worth fighting for.  Love is boundless. And if  love finds you worthy then you must be prepared to love in return. Love is not one-sided. It is patient and it is kind. Love is long-suffering, humble and loyal. It will be the sunrise and the sunset of your days. Embrace it and cherish it. Give it space to grow and nourish it. Just know that true love can crown you and crucify you, but if you want to love then there is no half stepping. Love is endless…it goes on and on and on.

xo Ella

Incremental Growth

~ Ella Hicks ~ 2 Comments

sharma
I don’t do New Year’s resolutions and I don’t believe in diets. I don’t think that quick fix fads work, and I believe in buying quality over quantity. I often find myself at odds with the rest of the world, but it wasn’t always like this for me. In fact, there was a time when I lived in the fast lane and was all in. I had a long list of goals tucked safely into my passport. I was on the move and I wanted to do it all.

I have changed since then and doing it all just doesn’t feel as enticing or thrilling to me as it used to. The fear of missing out or not keeping up has dissipated, and I am living a much different life than I could ever have dreamed of before. That’s the thing about your dreams…they need to be flexibile. If you don’t have flexibility in your life you will inevitably end up feeling like a failure. It’s much better to set out with a goal paired with an open mind & heart and just see where life will take you. Life is always changing and I find it so much better to flow with it than feel like I am being dragged by it.

How do we adjust our sails as we live headlong into heartbreak and defeat? Life is full of it and it can’t be avoided. If you think you can avoid the heart breaks then you are in for a rude awakening one day. When I go to see my therapist I occasionally get handed a questionnaire to answer before I go in. It’s a benchmark guide to see how I am doing compared to past visits. I’m given statements and I have to rate where I feel in that moment. One of them is, “I feel like a failure.” Another is “I feel like I am being punished.” Each time I read them I hear a voice in my head say, “You have every right to say ‘YES’, but it’s simply not your truth.”

What is my truth? I don’t believe in failure. I believe in learning lessons, and sometimes those lessons are harsh. For instance, there was that time I married a man who I thought was my soul mate only to realize that he would be my biggest life lesson. I don’t feel like I failed because I chose to learn from it instead. How was I to know that my soul mate would be mentally ill, and abusive? I followed my heart and I gave it my all, but it didn’t work out. In fact, it ended very badly for all involved. I could have stayed down on the ground, and quite honestly I don’t remember getting up. The point is that I got up and I don’t see myself as a failure.

When my marriage blew apart it honestly felt like the apocalypse had snuck up and screwed me from behind. I had been living in a prison and when the door opened I ran. I didn’t see it coming, but when it did, it exploded into a fire-ball and left a lot of collateral damage. Some people may have felt like they were being punished, but I simply don’t believe in that.  I could choose to blame myself and label myself a failure, but I know that I did the very best that I could, so how could I be a failure? When I look back at the charred Earth and all the loss I often wonder why I don’t. I know it is because of my audacious hope.

I don’t know what I am doing any more than the next guy, but I do know that I give a shit. And I truly believe that here in this moment is where my life is happening. I take a daily inventory. I check in with myself. I make sure that I am taking care of myself, and I am really grateful for my life. It’s not easy to have the bottom drop out on you. It’s not easy to pick up the pieces and sort through the debris. It’s been years, and I am still sorting through it. Healing and self enlightenment don’t come easy. It’s not for the faint of heart. Accepting where you faltered and what you should have done differently isn’t easy, it takes a lot of honesty and patience.

There are so many choices to make and each choice that we make brings definition to what will be our life story. It goes a long way when you can accept that you will make mistakes and yet still believe that when you come up on the other side it will be okay. It has taken me a lot of practice and patience to be understanding and compassionate with myself. Every single day I put that into practice because the world keeps telling me the opposite. It takes hard work to break down the all the armour we spend years building throughout our younger years. The beauty is that redemption is possible. It’s there for the taking.

xo Ella

The High Road.

~ Ella Hicks ~ 5 Comments

It was 4 years ago this week that I began to write in my attempt to heal myself. One sentence turned into two, then three, four and so on until my words started telling my story.  I share it in pieces, and when they are connected they create a whole. Perhaps the reason I haven’t written a book yet is because the thought of stringing the pieces all together at once terrifies me.  I am still live the nightmare to a lesser degree and so the book hasn’t reached the final chapter yet…stay tuned.

TrenchesI often feel like my writing has a cryptic feel to it. That’s because I can’t fill
in any of the finer details. The more colorful stuff that gives life it’s personality I have to dance around because it can betray me. All the nuances of my past life are known to the one I want to hide them from.  However, I know that my words, my example of living in spite of
it all is helping other women to
stay strong.  Just by moving forward I can show others that even though life may not be perfect you can still live a happy life and find a way to thrive in the midst of chaos. The calm in the center of the proverbial storm.

I’m not entirely sure if  I’m strong or stupid. Either way I keep on going and believing that I can rise above it all within myself one day. Eleven years ago I ran with my children. I ran for my health, my sanity, my soul, and our lives. I struggled through many years in a fog that I wasn’t even remotely aware I was living in. It was only four years ago that my healing truly began, and it was simply because I started to tell my story. I told my story in an attempt to help other women feel connected. So that they would know that someone else understood them and that they were not alone. I had no idea that by writing my first blog post I had really embarked on a journey in the search for ME.

What have I learned?

First, You need to chill the fuck out. No really, just sit down on the beautiful Earth and breathe deeply. In and out. In and out. You get the picture. Anyway, call it what you will but that really works. I have learned not to waste my pain because I know that it can’t hurt me, and that it’s there to teach me. Sometimes the pain can be brutal but so far I’ve stayed the course because I can feel the shift happening in my life. I know it’s a necessary part of my journey. I am so much stronger now and I value myself which is something I can’t say I had much practice in before. In fact I’m cheering myself on and it great to be able to feel it all and not be paralyzed by the fear that some memories can conjure up.

I am braver. In the process of becoming Ella I discovered a strength and resolve that I didn’t know I had. I have taken my own road in life, which has never been in the popular part of town I can tell you that. I have learned to stand up for me in the process and I am determined to show people that bullies are really just incredibly weak and fractured people. They need our love…even if we keep it to ourselves. Hate, even for bullies, won’t get us very far. Forgiveness is important.

I have realized how incredibly important it is to have a life of your own; to live as your own country while surrounded by many others. You may be in a relationship, but you don’t have to lose your voice. Your relationship with yourself is by far the most important one you will ever have. Don’t ever let that spark within go out, you will need to fan it to see yourself through the dark days ahead. Stand tall, be your own person and always BELIEVE in a better tomorrow.

It’s imperative to create a healthy inner circle for yourself. A few good people that you can confide in, find mutual support, and truly be free to be yourself with (warts and all) is what being in a tribe is all about. Isolation is not healthy…no living thing can be an island. We need our own kind. Don’t stop looking for your tribe. You will find them as long as you are being true to yourself.

We are all connected energetically and this is why it’s so imperative for each of us to surround ourselves with like minded and good hearted people. It’s not about the shoes, the car, the job, the house, the education, or the status spouse. It’s simply about kindness and good will to all. Think of how beautiful the world would be if we could all just be kind and decent human beings. The truth is that no one heals themselves by harming another. My choice has been to take the high road. It wasn’t easy pulling myself up out of the trenches so I am going to do what I have to do to stay here. It has a much better view. 

xo Ella

The Grand Revolution

~ Ella Hicks ~ 2 Comments

MyOwn

 

Self Love, Self Respect, Self Worth. There Is A Reason They All Start With “Self”...You Can Not find Them In Anyone Else.  – Unknown


It’s February…the ‘season of dread’ for so many.  It breaks my heart to see so many people so despondent over one ‘Hallmark holiday’ each year. I often wonder how it is that we have allowed this notion to permeate our strongest sensibilities in this age in time. I have personally worked very hard to know the difference between love, my ego and petty vanity. Most importantly, I have strived to know and love myself first. This is the foundation in which I have chosen to build my life. To me, self-love is the true revolution.


“Don’t wander away from yourself to get close to somebody else.” – Unknown

It took me a long time to understand that I needed to love myself first. In fact I had to survive 11 years of an abusive relationship to arrive at this truth; ‘to thine self be true.’ There are so many fractured relationships today and they can feel even worse this time of year. There is no place lonelier than being in a relationship and yet still feeling all alone. That is a hard place to find yourself and no one sets out to arrive there.  It’s what happens when we sell ourselves short in order to make another person happy; when we put love for another over the love for ourselves.

“People with low self-esteem are more likely to sabotage themselves when something good happens to them because they don’t feel deserving.” – Unknown

This can begin a cycle of self-deprivation. It happens when we start believing that someone else’s happiness is more important then our own. That’s the biggest lie in the books because self deprivation doesn’t lead to fullness. There is no happiness to be found in living your life this way. Eventually, this kind of living creates a lie that convinces you that you really don’t deserve it anyway. It’s the lie we tell ourselves to ease the hurt, but  ultimately the hurt only grows bigger. 

I don’t chase people anymore. I learned that I’m here, and I am important. I am not going to run after people to prove that I matter. – Unknown

To embrace yourself wholeheartedly is the key to a happy life. Seeking happiness within rather than in another allows you to build a foundation that is rock solid. We aren’t often raised to put ourselves first so if coupled with low self-worth our relationships will start with a less than balanced approach. It’s never to late to start a new chapter; one where you decide what is right for you without fear of reproach from another. You don’t have to seek out approval from others…your approval is really all that matters. Set out on a quest to find true love within yourself because you are more than worth it.

“One day I woke up and realized that I wasn’t made for anyone. I was made for me. I am my own.” – Unknown

When you arrive in a place of self acceptance you will find a peace unrivaled by any other. Not many people can say that they arrive at this place within themselves. It takes patience, time and loads of deep soul-searching work. It means that forgiveness is present for both you and others. It will mean leaving the past behind and keeping your eyes on the prize which is of course, yourself. After all you will find that loving yourself is the greatest Revolution. Once you find this for yourself your relationships with others will transform. It is here that you will be ready to find a love that will move mountains. 

xo Ella

Revolutionary

~ Ella Hicks ~ 16 Comments

Revolutionary

“I decided that the most subversive, revolutionary thing I
could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed.”
                                                                               – Anne Lamont

I have have a long history of fighting with myself.  You know what I am talking about.  That inner bickering between yourself and yourself.  It can be downright cruel can’t it?  Can you imagine saying half of the things that you say to yourself to someone else?  Hell no!  So why do we continue to berate ourselves silently and shame ourselves into submission?  While the answer is clear to me now it took me a long time to figure it out.

How is it that we know how to love another?  It’s both nurture and nature. We want to love. We want approval. We are taught to know right and wrong. We are taught to show compassion. We are taught to treat others with respect. Why aren’t we taught as children to love ourselves in the same way as we love others?  It was never taught to me that loving myself was imperative. I didn’t know that the most important relationship that I would ever have would be with myself. It took me many years to learn this simple truth; and in fact, I almost broke up with myself a few times, but somehow deep down I knew that I deserved to be loved.

Many years of my life were wasted in a relationship looking for the love that I really needed from myself.  When I met my ex-husband he immediately put me on a pedestal. He made me feel like I was the most beautiful and special woman in the world. He quelled my self doubt with his constant encouragement and loving reminders of how incredibly special I was. I had never felt that from anyone before. For the first time I was able to see myself though someone else’s eyes, and for the first time I felt worthy of the admiration. He convinced me that I was beautiful, because I couldn’t see it for myself. Unfortunately, that didn’t last long and I mistook his obsessiveness for love. I married an abusive man who hated his mother and then turned that hate upon me. The self-worth that I thought I had developed was ripped abruptly away. The void was wide open again and I had nothing to fill it with now.  I was just never taught that I needed to fill that void myself.  Everything shifted. I could still see myself though his eyes, only now  I was the enemy;  stupid, ugly, and a bitch who couldn’t do a damned thing right.

It was a rude awakening when I saw how quickly he could change into a monster; a true Jekyll  & Hyde. I was never taught to look for the “red flags” in a relationship. I was never taught how to value myself and defend myself against attack.  I grew up to be a people pleaser. I bent over backwards to make others happy at my own expense. That is how I derived my self-worth. So when I fell from grace in my marriage I was lost. I tried so hard to be better which only helped in crumbling my self-worth even more. It’s a cold hard world out there when you don’t have yourself to turn to in troubled times. The irony is that professionally I was a force to reckon with, but once I returned home all my accomplishments didn’t seem to matter. I was a failure in his eyes and nothing could change that.

I wish I had known then what I know now… that the love I needed had to come from me.  My big inner void needed me to fill it.  I was like the Tin Man who thought he needed a heart only to learn in the end that he had the biggest heart of all.  It took Dorothy to teach him that. Like the Tin Man, I didn’t know that I needed to love myself.  I was so lost, and trapped at this point; it took me many years to finally find that open door I could escape through. I feel heartbroken for the woman that I was back then. I had never felt that alone in my life. He had broken me down so much that I didn’t even recognize myself. I couldn’t trust my thoughts for I always heard him berating me in the background, as if I was a bad child who needed to be taught a lesson the hard way.

“In a society that profits from your self-doubt, liking yourself is a rebellious act.”- Unknown

So many of us are set up for such hardships because we are never taught how important it is to love and respect ourselves. We aren’t taught healthy boundaries or that sometimes you just have to command respect. Then again how can we expect to be respected when we don’t respect ourselves or we feel unworthy of respect. This is how so many people end up in unhealthy, one-sided relationships. There can be no balance in any relationship if you do not have a healthy and loving relationship with yourself. Children need be taught self-respect and compassion in school and I think that has started with the anti-bullying campaigns. Our youth need to understand that not only are they not to be picked on, but there is so much more to them.  They need to understand that knowing themselves and having solid ideals, dreams, and boundaries set are critical. They need to know that as they grow they will learn more about themselves, and to be patient with themselves through he process. They need to be surrounded by healthy role models and if they aren’t in the home with them then they need to find them in their schools and clubs. THIS is important. The world is counting on our youth to shake off the past and break the perpetual cycle of self loathing that we see all around us.

This year I am going to remain focused on the things that I want to change in my life. I am going to give myself more self-care. I am going to listen to myself and stop berating myself.  While I am teaching my children to know themselves and to honor that knowing I realize that I am not always a good example of it for them. I am going to do my best to stop body shaming myself, and I am going to do better for my children.  This year I am going to be a true rebel and I am going to focus on me and the shifting sands around me. I am going to hold true to the fact that as long as I have myself I am going to be okay. 

I am going to be okay because I am no longer looking for someone else to fill my void. There is no void now because I am filling it up with myself.  I have a map in my hand to help me navigate my way. If I get lost I will ask for help to get back on course. It took me way to long to understand the personal dynamic I needed to have with myself in order to simply be okay. I finally understand that the most revolutionary thing I can do is to show up for my life and not be ashamed. I must commit to being real and utterly honest with myself. I must change and let go of the old ways to make room for the new. The time is now. I am rising. I am a revolutionary.

xo Ella