I Hope That You Never…

~ Ella Hicks

I hope that you never have to make a call to save your life. I hope you never know that kind of fear. Knowing that your life hangs in the balance; on a thin thread which is about to snap. I hope you never feel hunted or like your next move, if you are lucky enough to get one, has a narrow margin of success. I hope that you never know what it feel like to face death in the face of someone you thought once loved you.

It’s that time of year again where the subject of Domestic Violence gains media traction because the Super Bowl is approaching. Urban Myth has it set that it is the day with the highest rate of reported abuse of one domestic partner to another. This year we saw the NFL struggling to keep face after Baltimore Raven’s player Ray Rice knocked his then fiancé out in an elevator. Rice was initially suspended for two games. The relatively small penalty caused national controversy. He was later suspended indefinitely, but that decision was overturned. We saw other players being called out on domestic related violence as well. It wasn’t a stellar year for the old boys club.

I want you to know that Domestic Violence Happens Each Sunday—Not Just Super Bowl Sunday.

I am glad to see the NFL responding to this with a little proactive flair. This Super Bowl Sunday which is quickly approaching will have millions of people world-wide watching. Some just watching for the ever so famous commercials. On February 1, 2015 the Super Bowl will air, but what is a little different this year is that there will be a PSA about domestic violence.

No More, an anti-domestic-violence campaign, and the ad agency Grey New York have come together to produce a few chilling reminders that THIS is still a HUGE problem in our society. The NFL donated a 30-second slot for the ad and paid for its production. The video is a chilling reminder that so many women live in fear in their own homes. Everyday, not just on Super Bowl Sunday.

To some I realize that it will be a mere bleep in the days advertisements. It may not be memorable to many. It may even cause a backlash in some homes, but it is worth it.
This weekend when millions are riveted to the television, my hope is that it will create a ripple across the land. Something positive out of a horrid situation that occurred the day that Ray Rice decided to finally call the darkness into the light.

The PSA is very simple. There is a woman making a call for pizza from her slightly disheveled home. When the other end answers you don’t hear “Hello Domino’s”, but rather “Mam, you have reached 911. This is an emergency line.” She continues to order her pizza, “Large with half pepperoni, half mushrooms.” The 911 operator keeps trying to tell her that she dialed the wrong number and she just keeps ordering her pizza, until he asks her if she is okay. Is this an emergency?

I hope that this will resonate across the millions turned into the game that will be peppered with commercials of scantily clad women selling chips and celebrities self promoting. I hope that this commercial is THE ONE that will have people talking. I know that my hopes may fall on millions of deaf ears and blind eyes, but I desperately want this to be seen. This is the real deal. According to Grey New York, the ad was based on a real 911 dispatch (paywall), found on a Reddit thread asking dispatchers about their most memorable calls.

Reality really sucks sometimes. I once had to make a call like this myself. It was either me or him, and I decided that I wasn’t going down like that.   xo Ella

32 thoughts on “I Hope That You Never…”

  1. I’m so glad you made that call. Like you, I am afraid that this ad will fall on deaf ears and the issue of domestic violence will continue without a flinch. I pray that women who are in this situation will see the message in the ad and make the call for themselves and/or their children…just like you did. I so love that you keep putting this message out there and I hope that someone will gain the courage to MAKE THE CALL!

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  2. To the people out there who can relate to this and haven’t taken action yet: The first step is the hardest. There is support out there, emotional and financial. Sure, it’s a little scary to take that first step, but the feeling of relief to tell someone, to have someone familiar with your situation walk beside you and help you to save yourself, your children and/or pets..you’ll wonder why you waited. You’ll smile again, the security feels amazing.. and you know what? You deserve better. Do it. I drove to the police station, went inside and asked for information on domestic violence assistance. They gave me paperwork, I didn’t file charges that day, but I did sit in the police department parking lot and call the crisis line, they told me to come over right away. I did.

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    1. Patti, thank you for reading and for your comment and very practical advice. I am so relieved to know that you got out and yes it is true that the first step is the hardest. xo Ella

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  4. Reblogged this on becomingbeth and commented:
    If you, or someone you know is being abused, please reach out and get help. If you are an abuser, you are only hurting yourself by allowing the cycle to continue. There is help for you too. Reach out. You and your loved ones deserve it. Love, Beth

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  5. Thanks for this I just got away from my abuser last week and with the help of my daughter when your the victim sometimes its hard to be able to call for help because if they find out the situation can escalate I had to wait till the day aftr my abuser beat me repeatedly and I was scared to leave and scared to stay but my daughter made a plan to come get me after he was gone to work Im still recovering from the physical abuse and scars he left on me but at least I got out alive it will take years to recover from all the mental and physical abuse he put me through for two and a half years but now I know I can and will so thanks for puttin this out it may save one victim that will be worth it and thanks so very much

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    1. Kathy, bless you my love. I am so proud of you for making the exit finally. I am so glad that you connected with me here. Please find me on Facebook too. My most critical work is with survivors of DV. You are out thank God. I have many questions (did you report to police? go to doctors? Take pictures of your injuries? File of an Order of protection?) These are the initial ones. Please seek out help from your local domestic violence agency and PLEASE get into counseling. I highly recommend a support group for you as well. You will get through this, I know it is hard. Sending you love and light. SO PROUD of you for leaving! xo Ella

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  6. Ella~ I’m not only sharing this as far and as wide as I can because I love you, but also because I am so proud of you for being that shining example of yes, you can go through this and once again THRIVE. It hurts my heart so very much that you and so many of our sisters suffered through this. I know how STRONG you are and it gives me so much insight that this can happen to anyone. I’m so very PROUD of you, for not only sharing your story, but also continuing to sound the alarm… this is real, this is happening, this need to be stopped and given the attention it deserves NOW.

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  8. I am sharing this as DV often walks hand in hand with addiction. I pray that anyone that needs help can receive the help they need by the increasing public pressure put on this atrocity. I was ashamed to tell, I believed I did so many things wrong…now I have been married to an awesome man for over 28 years. There is always hope

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    1. Yes Patricia you are right. On top of mental illness my ex was an alcoholic. Instead of getting proper help he self medicated. It’s often the case. Thank you for sharing and I am so glad that you have moved on. Xo Ella

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  9. Thank you Ella for this blog post. It is a powerful testament that you can make those calls for help, receive it and make good your escape. Like you, I also faced death in the face of one whom I thought would cherish me for the rest of my life. The escaping was not easy…it took careful planning, much subterfuge, daring and risk…but I did it! I hope that the Superbowl commercial has impact and that it gives abused women the courage to make that call. I shall share your post on both my pages sister.

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    1. Serena, You not only made it through that but you are such a shining example of a strong woman who didn’t allow her situation to hold her back. You have bloomed and are such a light for me. xo Ella

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  12. I’m grateful & so very blessed dear Ella you made that call! You are a shining leader and sister for us all. It’s a little hard right now as tears are flowing to write. But I am so very thankful you wrote this article and I am thankful this PSA will be played during the superbowl. I do not think it will fall on deaf ears. It may not get the audience of some of the silly stuff (in my eyes) but I KNOW it will reach the HEART OF MANY! As you know by the time that call was made for my Dad it was over two weeks to late. So I am here as a Thriver after years of coming to terms of acceptance of the fact my Father was murdered as the end result of Domestic Violence. I have found my voice and thankfully been able to turn a horrific part of my life, I was a Daddy’s girl, and use it to support others locally in a big part thanks to you Ella💜 I hope to be able to support all those anywhere who may be on my path as I know it is a little different than yours. Light 💜 Peace be with you always!!

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    1. Thank you Danelle. I have no doubt that as you get your feet under you more steadily that you are going to be able to reach out to many. Homicide is the ultimate act of DV and losing your father just unthinkable. We are handed tragedies in this lifetime and it is up to us to use it for good or to let it destroy us. xo Ella

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      1. I was paralyzed for years. Lifeless. My safety net had be ripped away from me in one instant. The one Man who loved me Unconditionally. The one Man I looked up to my whole life. The one person I never thought this could ever happen to. Not him. He was a genius, tough, and a Rebel (good, gentle one). It goes to show it can happen to anyone. DV knows no boundaries and takes whoever it can.
        Then I realized he would never want me to live lifeless. To die inside because he was taken away at the hands of another. That he would want me to live my life to the fullest…but to never forget him and to never forget who I am!
        As I said last year at the Murdered Victims of Violence Annual Event when I spoke “My Father would not want me to just survive. To be a surviver. He would want me to Thrive! And that is what I plan to do in his honor!” And I walked away. That was not easy to say in a room full of people who are used to being called survivors but that’s the Rebel…he would have expected nothing less from me! XO

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  13. And Never Ever go back, no matter what! My girlfriend’s daughter had left, was making a life for herself and children and was proceeding with divorce. He said “okay, I’m done fighting you on this. Come by and I’ll give you all the back child support that I owe you and we can both move on”. He murdered her and then killed himself leaving their children orphans. Never go back, ever. no matter how much you need what he promises, don’t listen to his pleas when he says that he has changed. He is the same person who beat you, only now he’s even more ticked off at you.

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    1. Terry I am so sorry to read this. Breaks my heart it does. So often people think that once a woman leaves they are safe. Unfortunately that is the furthest from the truth. Then is when it is most dangerous. The abuser who feels like he is losing control will make a last ditch effort to stay in control often at the expense of a life even their own. This is the story of my life and my daily reality. I can’t stress this enough. Thank you for commenting here. xo Ella

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  14. Ella, I wish you a lifetime of peace, safety, and peace of mind. Thank you so much for bringing awareness to DV and for being one who helps others to save themselves. Take care, Terry

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