Equal Rights – Human Rights.

~ Ella Hicks

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I am a very fair person. I don’t align myself with any political party for I choose to decide on issues. I don’t speak religion, because spirituality is so much more than another organization. When it comes to domestic violence I don’t advocate only for women. The truth is that men make up 40% of all reported victims. Violence is hate and hate doesn’t discriminate.

Today I shared a video on my Facebook page that depicted two actors in a domestic violence situation. In the first part of the video the man got visibly out of line with the woman. The crowd in the park that surrounded the couple were visibly upset. So much so that about 4 women approached the couple and called the man out on his bad behavior and assured the woman that she deserved better. When the script was flipped and the woman became abusive the response from the bystanders was really hard for me to watch. People were laughing. No one came to his defense. The contrast is remarkable.

What was really even more remarkable to me is the discussion that took place under the video. First of all I was pleasantly surprised to see men speak up and in such a respectful and grateful way. Women responded too and they clearly felt the same way that I did. Violence is wrong. Now there was one woman who decided to weigh on this discussion and she took my breathe away. This woman left four responses which made it very clear that she is the demographic that I am trying to educate. She was raw. She was rude. She was banned from my page.

The issue that this has highlighted for me is the degrees of abuse. I can’t even begin to tell you how many people have asked me if I was hit. As though if I hadn’t it wouldn’t have been so bad. Even police ask that question. I unfortunately suffered physical, verbal, emotional, and psychological abuse. All were horrible, but the wounds that cut me the deepest and have left me changed were caused by the verbal, emotional, and psychological ones. It is time that people start to understand this. You don’t have to be hit to be a victim of abuse.

I was a successful woman and yet I hid the torment that cursed through my marriage. Fear was the main reason I didn’t speak up, but I would have to say that the shame I felt was equally as strong. I was asked over and over again, “why didn’t you leave?” It’s not a simple answer. For a victim to stand up and leave an abusive relationship it really takes every ounce of strength that they have. The last thing they need to hear is someone asking a question that makes them feel worse. Now, just imagine for an minute what it must be like for a man. The degree of shame they must feel is beyond my comprehension and I understand why so many men are silent victims.

I also want to stress that abuse isn’t just physical. While men may have the upper hand in physical strength a woman can certainly hold her own in all other areas. Women can abuse verbally, mentally, and psychologically. Women can also be physically abusive. It’s so sad that we have such a small view of domestic violence. It is so much broader than what most people perceive. This issue is not about gender issues or equal rights. This is about human rights. I believe that nothing supersedes this. I speak on behalf of women because it I can get through to them. They can relate to me and I to them. I want to help them read my story and know that their is hope. That they can get out and they can thrive.

All of the media coverage in the last week has been focused on Male violence against women. I felt that I needed to be fair and balanced. I needed to give a voice to male victims of abuse. I married a man who abused me because he was abused. If he hadn’t been a victim of domestic violence growing up he most certainly shouldn’t have become the person that he did. Violence is never acceptable.

http://http://mostshared.tv/video/7338

15 thoughts on “Equal Rights – Human Rights.”

  3. Such truth – zero tolerance to all violence and forms of abuse by whatever gender – keep shining your light on this issue Ella I am still amzed at how much ignorance still remains – awareness is needed to give the victims like us the voice to say ‘enough is enough’ x

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    1. Oh Evie, I know you know. WHY is it so hard for people to understand. I believe that this lack of understanding and empathy is the root of so many of our problems here on earth. Love you! xo Ella

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  4. Thank you for this one. I have been saying the same thing for over a week now and getting a great deal of push back, mostly from women. Violence is violence. It is horrific and leaves each of us with terrible and lasting scars. Whether the violence is a closed fist or the terrible voice of hate, it is violence.

    All of us, I hope can remember if we advocate we need to do so for all those who struggle with violence not just those who look like us.

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    1. Hey Val!
      You know they say a picture is worth a thousand words. A video is priceless as we have seen this past week. It’s good to hear the public conversation happening finally on DV, but I don’t want to leave the men out of this. We all can be a victim. xo Ella

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      4. Thank you so much. I found two separate videos, I think they are two parts of the whole. It comes from ABC What Would You Do, there was a third part which I also found.

        Thank you so much, again.

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  5. Violence against both men and women breaks bodies sometimes and souls every time. Those who are in a domestic violence situation or recovering from one know that there is a great darkness that descends with the violence totally obscuring answers and avenues of help. It is discussions like these among such incredible light givers that helps to pierce that darkness. Hats off to each and every one of you! You may not read words of thanks or hear thanks from any lips but know that hearts everywhere are shouting their thanks to you. Get your workshops going. Write about every shadow and rainbow. Find or create tools for healing. Keep sharing your stories and your love and continue to be stronger than you were yesterday. I’m proud of each and every one of you.

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  6. Thank you again for such clarity and insight my friend. So very grateful you have found your voice. For years i failed to understand the impact of the emotional and mental abuse that was part of my daily existence. I always turned it somehow back to myself as thought it was all to do with my own shortcomings…. It is a terrible trap and one that wounds deeply.
    What startles me about reading this is the vulnerable space i feel inside that asks me to have a closer look at the women in my lineage, and the considerable size of their emotional weaponry. Yes its true, I have been on the receiving end of abuse in all its forms. It isn’t something i would wish upon anyone who draws breath. Yet i am aware that in order to heal and make amends with the past i must be honest with my own tendancies… the less than rosy bits…the ones i have carried forward into relationships because of the patterns of abuse that pervaded just about every relationships i witnessed as I grew into adulthood. In the past i have wielded those very weapons that were handed down the generations….thankfully not any more, simply because of the massive emotional excavation that has occurred as a result of my own healing journey. I’d like to think that this level of honesty and vulnerability, with the right support in place, can be an incredibly helpful way forward in eliminating abuse in any form… to be able to call its bluff, and root it out. For me, this is where true healing begins.

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