Circle Back.

“When life is sweet, say thank you and celebrate. And when life is bitter, say thank you and grow.” – Shauna Niequist

And so it goes day in and day out as we live our lives. Planning and dreaming for what we hope will manifest in our lives. I often speak of my life in relation to the tides.  I imagine this is because the sea is my next door neighbor and her tides, along with the moon have so much influence on my life. Life truly is about ebb and flow.  We receive and we give, win and lose, we experience joy and sadness, health and sickness, and ultimately we see birth and death.  The circle of life is no joke. How ironic that man used to think the world as flat; and how brave they were to sail their ships out past the horizon wondering if they would just drop off the edge into oblivion following their dreams.

Life really is about circling back though, isn’t it?  I like this idea and it always comforts me when I pull the short stick. There are countless quotes out there in reference to this very subject too.

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.” – Helen Keller

“In every end, there is also a beginning.” – Libba Bray

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”  -Oprah Winfrey

“A really strong woman accepts the war she went through and is ennobled by her scars.” – Carly Simon

In the end we are all saying the same thing…circle back. We may be on the precipice feeling like we have conquered our world, when the foundation starts to crumble and we fall.  Flat.  It happen’s to all of us and it doesn’t get any easier…we just get wiser. It is in our weakness that we will find our strength if we are open to it.  If we are prepared to sit amongst the rubble and ask the question, “Why?”

It at these moment’s in our lives that we must push ourselves to raise our heads and not give into the gravitational pull of depression. I admit it isn’t easy and sometimes I find that I am just so tired that I am tempted to sink into the soft cushion of despair and wallow for a moment. I have learned thought that the longer I do the harder it is to get up and out for that soft cushion is more like quicksand. It will continue to suck your energy and your confidence; your self-worth and your essence right along with it.

“In the depth of Winter I found in me an invincible Summer.” – Albert Camus

So here sitting in the rubble after falling from the highest high we have found that life has yet again circled back on us. I can’t tell you how many times I have experienced this.  It took me years to realize that I had to ask “Why?” Not a hypothetical one, but a serious and informed “Why?”  I wanted to know how in defeat I could find victory.  What I learned was this…

Life does not break us.  It bends us and molds us into who we are meant to become if we are open to it.  I used to think of myself as broken, but not anymore. That person learned a few years ago that she cannot break.  I may bend low like the trees in a storm, but like the trees my roots are deep.  The hardest part for me is having patience. It is not something I struggle with in other people…it is a self infliction of sorts. I don’t like fumbling around with the pieces trying to figure out why puzzle fell apart…i just want to start fresh and get on with it. This has been my Achilles heel because I have repeated the same mistake over again; I didn’t take the time to ask,”Why?”

Bend

When I hit the bottom I just want to hit the reset button and GO!  It doesn’t work like that, and anyone who thinks it does is really fooling themselves. Healing takes time.  Learning takes time.  We all know that Rome wasn’t built-in a day.  So, neither shall our lives. I am learning that when I am in the process of working through a tough life situation that I need to breathe.  I need to take time for myself to be more introspective. I need to ask “Why?” and “What am I meant to learn from this?”  In the end, time is a wise leader. Seven years ago I never thought I would be where I am now . It would have seemed impossible for me to get here. Then again, in other ways I never thought I would be here now trying to learn lessons that I wish I had learned so long ago. Life is funny like that.

“If life knocks you down seven times…get back up eight.” – unknown

“To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable.” – Hellen Keller

The point here is that I am a bit down as I write this, but in the very act of writing this I am learning what I need to know and I am getting back up. I am hopefully helping someone else get back up too. For in the end we all will fall…countless times.  Every time you consciously work through your stumbles you will build a stronger foundation.  The falls won’t stop because that’s life and we don’t have control. In the end you will see that everything circles back, but the hope is that we learn to handle it better. You really are worth the time and the energy.  You really are worth your own effort.  XO Ella

“Don’t compromise yourself. You are all you’ve got.” – Janis Joplin

14 thoughts on “Circle Back.

  1. Thank you for this ….
    it strengthens me in the thought…
    Time is on my side..
    Only one year and a half ago……the plug went out of a long painful life…I chose to step out of that….
    My life has never been the same since then ….it is the hardest recognition of who I was..of who I have become of who I am and definately Who I will be…….Me !!
    But the fact that it is all my path..,…my pain to overcome and my growth what is taking place..makes it…..worth ‘fighting”for .

    Thank you so much for your supportive words and all the loving and caring messages that makes me feel not being alone in this very essential inner process,

    With grateful love,

    Boudewien Bosma

    1. Boudewien,
      Thank you do much for reading…I am so glad that it resonated with you. I thought that it would with many of the RT’s. This is life…up and down, around and around…find the peace within my friend so that you can learn to find balance. That’s the key I think. XO Ella

  2. Beautifully said. I’ve been reflecting on a lot lately, trying to learn from my past mistakes. It’s been an emotional roller coaster, but all part of the process. Be blessed! xo Ang

    1. Hey Ang! Life is a process and it’s taken me awhile to learn that I need to learn the lessons right away. That way I can pick up, brush off, and just get on with it. Love to you! XO Ella

  3. I have been reflecting on a past I’ve tried to bury for a long time. It’s opened my eyes, my heart, and exposed me to a girl that was simply hurting and needed to know it was ok to let go. Someone stronger, wiser, and worthy of her trust was leading this life now. She can go back and play as she should have so many years ago. Be blessed Ella, thank you for your honesty and reflection. Your posts have inspired me to finally start sharing more of me as well. xo Ang

    1. Wow Ang, you are on your way. When I first started this blog I was determined to live openly. Then I started the FB page and I was struggling to be as open. Someone challenged me and I remember sharing one night that I was struggling and life was kicking my ass. That was a turning point because SO many people responded to that post. It was a real eye opener to me. People connect with our struggles as well as our joys. We don’t always have to be strong. That’s why it’s good to know that we have each others hands. Xo Ella

  4. Thank you, dear Ella, for your beautiful blog. It causes sparkles of Light and Hope, I like it and wish you all the strength and power you need. Xo Saskia

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