Flying Lessons

I believe that we are all meant to soar.  Sometimes we forget how to fly or we never really learn how to from the start.  It happened to me; I forgot how to fly. Living in an abusive relationship for so long broke me down.  I forgot that I was the captain of my ship and I gave the wheel over to someone else.  My ex husband wanted my wings clipped so that I couldn’t fly.  This was his master plan.  Maya Angelou wrote a book called, “I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings.”  I love this book and I happen to know the answer too.  The caged bird sings to heal herself, and for the hope that one day the cage door will open.  If you are feeling like a caged bird right now, please don’t stop singing.  Sing out loud to yourself and anyone else who will listen. Stay focused on your freedom.

I know that this might sound easy to some of you, but it isn’t.  Strange things start to happen when you feel like your wings have been clipped.  Fear and anxiety begin to creep in and that’s when the self doubt takes over.  Self doubt is a dubious thing.  It can really hold you back. You were not created to be held back by anyone, let alone yourself!  I lived in this cage for a long time, so long that I forgot how to sing as well.  I was hurting and terrified, all alone with 2 small children to protect.  Anxiety and fear kept rearing their ugly heads and kept me down.  I was systematically being broken down over time.  Isolation was the plan; I wasn’t meant to have friends, and he wanted my family out.  Another thing about being locked in a cage is the amount of shame you feel.  You don’t want anyone to know you are there so you create diversions and tell white lies to make your life seem a little better than it really is.  How humiliating it would be for people that know and love you to actually see you suffer?!  It was pretty bad for me, so much so that I kept my mouth shut tight.  I kept my suffering to myself and I struggled with it alone.  Fear kept me trapped in that cage.  To the outside world I had it all going on…handsome husband, amazing career, and beautiful kids.  When it all crumbled not everyone believe me.  How could my life have been anything less then what I projected?  Denial is a very strong thing.

Everyday was a battle.  I was told that my children would be killed if I ever left him. I would cease to exist. I was told all the minute details of his plan and I was terrified.  The last 2 years I was with my ex husband I spent trying to figure out how the hell I would ever get out alive.  I thought that if I waited to break free I might be able to make a smooth transition.  Life is messy sometimes. We need to embrace the mess on occasion in order to leave it all behind us.  So that’s what happened.  One night we went out to dinner and we never went home.  My children and I flew the coup and made a break for it.  It wasn’t easy.  Those were some of my darkest days, but I am so grateful that I made that journey.  There is light at the end of the tunnel for those of you who are in a dark place and are tired.  You can get through whatever you are struggling with.  You can pick up the pieces of your life and start over. You are strong and you are meant to LOVE and be LOVED!

Don’t ever give up hope; somehow you will find your way.  Keep faith in yourself and know that you are stronger than you think.  We are put on this earth to flourish and shine.  We are worthy of so much but we forget this so easily.  Just remember that when you feel alone there are people who are ready to embrace you and help you along.  You have to let go of some of the fear and push past the anxiety to make room for it though.  You have to put yourself out there and be willing to let others love and help you find your way.  Sometimes we just need a flying lesson or two to help us launch back into flight.

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10 thoughts on “Flying Lessons

  1. I just found your blog – I’m so pleased you flew free as I wouldn’t have found this blog. Although I’m in a great place in my life and have not one thing to complain about, your words are inspiring and I hope many more travel this way to read them. I’m following you and I’m looking forward to our journey. Go little bird, come fly with me! xx

  2. All I know is that I’m sure glad you had the courage to leave and make your painstaking personal discoveries, and then come to share yourself with the world! I’m thrilled to have become your friend somewhere along the way and I LOVE your blog ❤ ❤ ❤

  3. my newest bud, i asked for a history lesson and the first chapter gives me pause.
    the anxiety, the shame, the guilt i felt for someone elses actions was terribly hurtful for me and i was one that escaped by going into a bottle. not good but i realize now that’s probably the only way i survived.

    bless you for your courage then and bless you for sharing, and i know this can’t be easy going through it all over again. thanks

  4. i am in awe of your spirit
    i am in awe of your way with words
    i am in awe that you reach out like you do

    i felt as soon as i saw you that i wanted to know more.
    i felt that i wanted to have you part of my special circle

    i am blessed that we have made it this far and that the future is wide open.

    i am humbled by your kindness.

    j

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