Cliff Diving

Sometimes sharing about yourself can feel like diving off a cliff. In fact, I have much trepidation about it, but I have decided that I am ready for a change. I’m tired of being called a survivor. Yes, survivor is better than victim, but it’s not enough. To say you are a survivor and to settle with that is like giving up. Please don’t give up… don’t ever give up. We were put here to live, laugh, and love unabashedly. Why give your life over to something or someone else? Shift your perspective. Take a chance. Keep moving forward. Thrive.

We are all survivors of something. I happen to be a survivor of domestic violence and my story is intense. It might take me a while to get it all out, but I will. My desire is to help other women who might be struggling on their journey. Life really is a journey so don’t get too caught up with the destination. It’s been 6 years since I escaped from my ex and it’s been one weird trip. Anyone who lives through a traumatic event is open to Post traumatic Stress Disorder.  For anyone who doesn’t know what PTSD is I want to ask you to look into it. It is a very real thing and it is incredibly hard to shake. Living as a dumpster for someone’s trash year after year can have a numbing affect in the end. In order to survive you develop coping skills; so as not to completely fall of the edge. You learn to disassociate and tune out. You develop triggers that are like minefields; they go off randomly. A doorbell begins to sound like an explosion; social anxiety sets in. I lived in a combat zone and it was a daily fight to survive.

It hasn’t been easy. I’ve had to give up almost everything I had, and everyone I knew.  I had to fight my abuser in court and in the street. In the end, I declare victory. You see I am that girl. I am the face of your neighbor, friend, or maybe even your sister. I am the girl who suffered in silence because she was so afraid she couldn’t even think for herself. I was in a marriage for 11 years with a man who systematically broke me down. He told me I was nothing and that no one would ever love me. He terrorized me daily.

I want to ask you to never give up hope. If you are in a dark place please keep a glimmer of hope alive.  Life awaits you.  I am shaking off the dust and I am getting ready to ROAR. I am FREE! I am FREE! I am FREE now.

10 thoughts on “Cliff Diving

  1. Just finding your blog now, and am happy I did.. (thanks elf)
    I am so impressed with your FB page Rebel Thriver that I have to share it with everyone I know! You are more than a Thriver you are an inspiration to so many people!
    I hope and pray you also take time to nurture yourself and remember that a person can only give to the limit of what they give to themselves…(does that make sense?)
    I see you give so much and you are going through so very much … May God bless you and yours in abundance!

    1. Twila, Thank you so much. I am going through one of the most crazy times of my life right now. Nature is fierce.
      I am learning so much an I am grateful for the challenges that I will overcome so that I can in turn use the lessons and the experience to help others in the future. There is a reason I have faced so many incredible trials…I am a wounded healer and I am better to help if I understand others. God bless you! XO Ella

    2. Twila, Thank you so much for reading the blog and for being a part of this amazing and ever growing tribe. In giving I receive…it is my nature. However, I am learning that I need to allow myself to receive as well now. Xo Ella

  2. Wow, what a powerful way to announce yourself! I totally agree with you on the words “thrive” versus “survive”. Unfortunately the culture we live in perpetuates the ideas of scarcity and competition so it can be difficult to break out of these thoughts to get to the THRIVING mentality. It is so worth it though. Scanning through your blog now… happy I found it!

  3. Ella, I found your blog through your FB page and thought I’d check it out. Now, I’m sitting here knowing — without a doubt — I was meant to see this. I spent years coping as a victim. Four years ago, I took a step towards being a survivor. For the last two, I’ve been trying so hard to work towards thriving. It is a constant struggle. Thank you for having the courage to take us along on your journey.

    1. Hi Tammie,
      I am so happy that you found me and we connected. You are not alone my friend. I am here to tell you that I am one of many who has walked in similar shoes. One day at a time…stay focused on your happy and you will get there. XO Ella

  4. My 16 yr marriage w/a Vietnam vet w/ptsd has come to an end, thx to my children. once he moved in my home and entrenched himself, my world as I knew it bcame my worst nightmare. The beatings, blittlings, the lies, he ruined my name by constant abuse and humiliating me in front of my family and friends. He hated everything abt me. Everything u wrote is everything I’ve lived thru. Trying to piece my life bck together w/my grown children and grands. Not easy as he broke me financially and mentally but I am alive to tell my story like u.

    1. Teresa, reading your words feel so very close to me. I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Know that you are not alone. There are other women who have gone through this. We are survivors. It is our choice as to whether we learn to heal and let go or stay stuck in the past. It really takes some hard work, but it is possible. You can do it. Know that it will take time and that the light will shine for you! XO Ella

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